Monday, January 23, 2012

39 Weeks

Warning- this post is very long and very wordy and contains no pictures (ok 1 picture)... read ahead if you dare.

I'm 39 weeks today. i just got back from the Dr where I scheduled my c-section for next Tuesday, January 31st. (also Justin Timberlake's birthday) that was not on purpose i was hoping for next Thursday or Friday to give Zi as much time as possible to get out of his breech position and come naturally but they were all booked Wed-Friday next week so Tuesday was the latest i could do. 

Let me back up a bit and give you a summary of my pregnancy the last few weeks. 
(Also the reason I haven't been blogging as much)

At 32 weeks I was up one night with horrible labor pains so i went into the Dr and I had dilated to 2cm so they gave me two steroid shots to improve Zi's lung function in case he came early and put me on bed rest for 3 days. 

Then at 36 weeks my Dr told me that in the ultrasound they saw that my fluid was down to 5.1 (the week before it was at 10) they said that if it was below 5 at my next appt they would induce.-This is around the same time baby decided to go breech...

Week 37-We went in thinking if my fluid went from 10 to 5.1 in one week then it would definitely go below 5 the next week and i would be induced, but they checked my fluid and it was back to 12 which was good so they sent us home.

Week 38-They decided to do an external cephalic version (ECV) which has a 50/50 chance of moving they baby out of his breech position. If he moved they were going to induce me but if it was not successful they were going to do a c section. But since i was only at 38 weeks i asked if he didn't flip if we could just wait. He didn't flip so we waited. 

Now we are at 39 weeks. I went in to my Dr appt today and scheduled my c section for next Tuesday. 

This is not at all how i thought my delivery would go. i know it always happens that way but  i just imagined a little differently.  I would go into labor naturally, hopefully during the night so that my water wouldn't break in public. I would say, "baby i think it's time" we would get to the hospital i would go as long as i could without the epidural so that i could experience labor pains.  Cause I'm that crazy person that wants to know what it feels like. Robby and i would go through the labor process together and we would have that special bonding time and then i would deliver Zion and they would put him on my chest and we would all three have that "moment."
i know, absurd... :)
For one, going to the hospital two weeks in a row thinking you are coming home with a baby and coming home without one is draining. Also, the whole scheduling thing freaks me out. Everytime the dr called to schedule the version or c section I freaked out. In a perfect world he would come on his own with no inductions or "scheduling" i know, again, absurd...

So, obviously the last thing i want is a csection. But when I got home from the dr today the Lord said, do you really trust me or do you just say and act like you trust me. He has to be pretty straight forward with me. And i realized that by stressing over this whole c section and scheduling and everything not going as planned that i was not trusting the Lord at all. I was trusting in my plan and upset when i didn't go the way i wanted. Then he reminded me that I am so blessed to be able to even carry a child and a healthy one at that and it doesn't matter how he gets here as long as he gets here.
The hubs and i have started reading through the bible as our new years resolution and one of the verses i read today was Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." - Just what i needed to hear today.
If you're still reading thanks for listening :)


The Guff said...

NOTHING you said is absurd!!! It is totally normal. You will still have "that moment" it will just be different - just as exciting and emotional and AWESOME!

I am praying for you guys like crazy buckets. I know you are going to be so strong and amazing and Zi is going to be so so so lucky.

Isn't it awesome to know that God is taking care of us, ALWAYS!?

Love you!!!

Matthew, Ashley, Jr. Colton and Tinsley Hutson said...

you are already such an amazing momma to your little man! and trust me even after 4 csections it never gets old and you will always have that "moment"!i have cried every time. bringing your little man into this world, no matter how, is an amazing experience! what a great verse to have read today! God is so good and knows just what needs to happen!!

Anonymous said...

I love you so much girl! I'm sitting here all tear-ey while I read this post- don't even know why- Im such a dork. I'm so so happy for yall. Everything is going to work out the way it's supposed to- and hey- pretty awesome if Zi and J Timbs share a bday- who'd a thunk it hahahah.

Ive got y'all in my prayers!! Love you!

Megan walradth said...

Honest feelings are good. I understand because in some ways I also wanted a normal birth but knew at about 30 weeks it wouldn't be possible. As much as a c-section is what u want, u can still have that moment! When have arrived and they held him up it didnt matter how he arrived he was here! Eric took pictures and walked over to see him being weighed--- I asked the dr to leave my hands free and when they carried jace over with Eric and put him next to me and I was able to rub him--- it was worth it! They took j and e off and fixed me up. Not much after when I was in the recovery room I was able to do everything a normal birth would have done and it was awesome!! If u have any questions u can ask--- I also think the one thing is your prepared And if baby z changes you will be prepared--- the nurse was horrified to tell me that they were going to do a c section and I looked at her and said I know! Good luck either way

K Bee said...

I'm praying for Gods glory to be revealed in your delivery....I'm also praying the nurse...on your scheduled day...will perform a 'confirmatory' ultrasound just to prove Zi didn't flip on his own.....stranger things have happened. All in all, life is so precious! Congratulations! You are truly blessed!
Natalie's mom!

Katie {katie lately} said...

I love love love that verse you put at the end. Can be used in so many places in life! And perfect for you right now :) I totally understand how you wanted things the way you planned them. But the Lord definitely has picked this route for Zion and you are right, you are blessed to be able to carry him & deliver a healthy baby. Can't wait for next week when you get to squeeze him!!



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